Tag Archives: fog

Where is my creativity hiding?

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Matisse quoteWhen you have to spend a lot of time resting you end up with a lot of thinking time. Pain and fatigue means that your thoughts can be confused and untamed at times and, if you overthink ideas like me, your thoughts might go round and round, but lead nowhere. When my mind is all over the place I have been turning to easy pastimes while resting, like television and computer games and reading. However, I know I have a creative side so I thought I might be able to harness my thinking and channel it into more creative hobbies that may be a lot more mentally stimulating and rewarding. Story making, drawing, painting that sort of thing.

Having an illness leads to connecting more intimately with the inner self. Some people find that they are able to express this connection with their inner self through art, writing, photography, sewing, etc. This is what I want to do, but it seems that my motivation and creativity is lost as soon as I arrive home. Lately, as soon as I am home I crash to sleep and then I struggle to feel well thereafter. It is like because I want to use my creativity more, suddenly it is not ready and waiting, it is hiding from view. Further, days off at home when I am well rested, relaxed and interested in being creative and not catching up on jobs, are few and far between. I am capturing little bits of time here and there but it is just not enough effort. I am not getting the quality time to think of an idea, grab onto it and run with it. Right brain

I think I am creative enough. I know I used to be when I was younger. I show creativity at work, especially with thinking up teaching ideas. I am beginning to share my creativity when I create art examples for my students. I have such an urge to create art in my own art lessons, but I am not student, I am teacher, and that involves a lot of time doing management and assisting and not a lot of time doing making.

I have twittered from one idea to the other and not settled on anything very productive. There are things in my project box, but nothing is focused. I have used morning pages and now I can’t do them while I’m working, there’s not enough time to get ready of a morning (it takes me a long time).  I am ever so slowly working through what I like and what inspires me, the topics and materials. It feels as if I will never settle on an idea and get that motivation towards a project that I am seeking.

Tomorrow I am heading to the National Art Gallery in Melbourne. I am going to the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibition and will see what inspires me throughout the day. I will also take my new compact camera with me to have a practise with it’s settings.

You may be thinking, “Why are you not staying home tomorrow on your day off, you could work on it then?” I should be staying home, especially as I feel like I need to sleep. But, my car needs a service. It’s a month late actually. So, it’s a trip to the city for a car service. The redeeming factor is that the Subaru where I take my car give complimentary coffee and provide a shuttle bus into the city centre. It’s the small things that make all the difference.

Zombie life

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Zombie in car

Sometimes, well actually a lot lately, I feel like I’m floating through life in some semi conscious state, not really focused on anything. Dazed and confused and not able to concentrate. Like a zombie. I even just thought what if I am dead and I haven’t worked it out yet?

Can zombies drive cars and pump fuel and eat McDonalds? Maybe.

Fog

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My mind is fried.
I just had to check what month it is.
Earlier I wasn’t sure what day it is.
My words come out wrong. I said rhubarb instead of beetroot. I said I put rhubarb in my vege bake.
I am thinking confusing things. It’s like the gears are stuck, I’m in first gear and my mind is throwing out whatever it can find loose in there.
I want to do this, I want to do that. I don’t know what I want.
Now would not be the right time to continue my uni assignment.
I’m just sitting on the couch in my nest.
I think if I move I might not remember why I got up. Or I’ll start something then get distracted and forget I was doing it.
We have a new kettle now, it’s electric and turns off automatically, not gas on the stove. I won’t forget it and burn the house down now.
I think I’ll go make a cuppa. I probably should eat something too.

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