Where is my creativity hiding?


Matisse quoteWhen you have to spend a lot of time resting you end up with a lot of thinking time. Pain and fatigue means that your thoughts can be confused and untamed at times and, if you overthink ideas like me, your thoughts might go round and round, but lead nowhere. When my mind is all over the place I have been turning to easy pastimes while resting, like television and computer games and reading. However, I know I have a creative side so I thought I might be able to harness my thinking and channel it into more creative hobbies that may be a lot more mentally stimulating and rewarding. Story making, drawing, painting that sort of thing.

Having an illness leads to connecting more intimately with the inner self. Some people find that they are able to express this connection with their inner self through art, writing, photography, sewing, etc. This is what I want to do, but it seems that my motivation and creativity is lost as soon as I arrive home. Lately, as soon as I am home I crash to sleep and then I struggle to feel well thereafter. It is like because I want to use my creativity more, suddenly it is not ready and waiting, it is hiding from view. Further, days off at home when I am well rested, relaxed and interested in being creative and not catching up on jobs, are few and far between. I am capturing little bits of time here and there but it is just not enough effort. I am not getting the quality time to think of an idea, grab onto it and run with it.ย Right brain

I think I am creative enough. I know I used to be when I was younger. I show creativity at work, especially with thinking up teaching ideas. I am beginning to share my creativity when I create art examples for my students. I have such an urge to create art in my own art lessons, but I am not student, I am teacher, and that involvesย a lot of time doing management and assisting and not a lot of time doing making.

I have twittered from one idea to the other and not settled on anything very productive. There are things in my project box, but nothing is focused. I have used morning pages and now I can’t do them while I’m working, there’s not enough time to get ready of a morning (it takes me a long time). ย I am ever so slowly working through what I like and what inspires me, the topics and materials. It feels as if I will never settle on an idea and get that motivation towards a project that I am seeking.

Tomorrow I am heading to the National Art Gallery in Melbourne. I am going to the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibition and will see what inspires me throughout the day. I will also take my new compact camera with me to have a practise with it’s settings.

You may be thinking, “Why are you not staying home tomorrow on your day off, you could work on it then?” I should be staying home, especially as I feel like I need to sleep. But, my car needs a service. It’s a month late actually. So, it’s a trip to the city for a car service. The redeeming factor is that the Subaru where I take my car give complimentary coffee and provide a shuttle bus into the city centre. It’s the small things that make all the difference.


About lisasretro

I'm a 41 year old teacher, single and have one adult son. I'm currently finding a new me and new style of living while learning to manage chronic illness. In short, my mind is over active and my body can't keep up. I love art, retro and vintage stuff, eclectic fashion and travelling anywhere and everywhere. I often also get all caught up in social justice issues, my fave being marriage equality, until it happens here in Aus. Bucket list enabled, hold on tight.

11 responses »

  1. If you can separate the adult train of thought your creativity will naturally come, but you need to remove the adult pressure of it must come, why won’t it. Look to your sleep for ideas in those waking moments when your mind can touch with the child you used to be. As Picasso said ‘every child is an artist’ because they create without reason or expectation, no ego just for the joy in it. All the best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m living in my art room now. It used to be my arts and crafts room/ guest room and now it’s my private quiet room. I could hardly move just one year ago, but slowly, having all my bright colorful creative things all around me has helped encourage a but more movement. That’s just me. And I know you already have an outlet for your creativity at work. But maybe moving some of your things to where you spend most of your time in your house will engage your creativity so you don’t feel the setting up and creaking down process requires so many extra spoons??
    I hope we see some art soon ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  3. For me, creativity is extremely positive when you are living with a chronic illness. Creativity is within us all – I see it as part of our “free child”. I am sure you will reach that place of starting a project. It’s OK if it is taking you a little time to get motivated and inspired…. it will come. Keep going.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello my friend
    I to live with two chronic illnesses and one has kept me in the house except for doctor apps. Give yourself time to build on an idea, carry a small notebook and just jot ideas down. I am a creative right brain person who is house bound. My camera, the one thing I feel accomplished at is untouched. I wrote poetry as a teenager, nothing creative, teen angst. I have been writing non stop since but for newspaper or blog. I have read more poetry in the year since I started my blog, it has lit a spark yet the lines come one or two at a time. I don’t know if the bug will get me to write poetry again but the creative juice feels good even without an end product. Go easy on yourself. Easier said than done for sure, try to use positive reinforcement even for the slightest move forward. Maybe you are trying to force your creative direction instead of letting it come to you.
    I’m always here if you need a hand or someone to talk to, I’m a good listener. You’ll get there.
    Hugs ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

      • Hi friend
        I use my iPhone to capture moments with the animals or birds. Today I took photos of the Christmas tree my husband decorated for me. I have Lyme Disease and took several photos for my next Lyme journal entry, For me, organization is the key when you take so many meds and see several doctors. I’m serious in my post so people understand how serious tick bites are. I have fun working on old photos, playing with effects and just having fun with. I’m like you there is inspiration in my soul but the illness and pain meds hamper that drive many days. We have to keep getting back up and one day we’ll amaze ourself. Listen to my Throwback Thursday this week when you get a chance. I’m posting in a bit. I’ve picked music based on how many friends/followers are feeling right now. Maybe you will like and rest your soul for a minute.
        Have a great day. It’s almost 4:00AM and my bed time is 10:00PM, don’t think I took doctors orders tonight. It happens.
        Have a great day.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello ๐Ÿ™‚
    I really enjoy reading your blog…I read them all, so Iโ€™ve nominated you for the Liebster Award. This is an award for new bloggers with less than 200 followers.
    This a great way to do some networking. The Liebster award nominees are chosen by fellow bloggers. Each blogger that accepts, chooses 11 other blogs to nominate, and so on so it helps those of us with few followers get out there and be seen.
    If you choose to accept the nomination, there are a few things for you to complete and post on your site.
    Take a look at them the requirements at the link to my Liebster award blog and see what you think.
    After you select your nominees, feel free to cut and paste parts of this message in order to make your own version. That is what I did.
    You are not obligated to participate, but it would be very beneficial for you to do so.
    Great Blog site. I enjoy reading it. Keep up the good work ๐Ÿ™‚
    The details and questions are in my post https://cjohera.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/leibster-award/
    I was nominated by gentlekindness . You can find her post with her questions and answers at https://anniemimihall.wordpress.com/2014/11/22/liebster-award/

    Liked by 1 person

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