The reason I love my medication is that it does positive things to my body that I cannot do myself, like keep my blood pressure down, dull the throbbing pain I feel in my feet and hands and stop the nerve pain all over my body that drives me crazy. Because of it’s help, I can go to work and do things in my life other than lay in bed or sit on the couch.
The reason I hate my medication is that it doesn’t fix my pain completely and it gives me all sorts of random side effects, one of which is to make the pain worse (yes I know, that is ridiculous) and make me fatigued and foggy. So, sometimes I still do end up in bed or on the couch feeling very useless.
When I feel like that I wonder if there is any point in taking my medication at all. However, if I think constructively I know that the extremity of the pain and fatigue without medication is much worse than when on it. In other words, my medication has a positive effect overall. Plus, this new medication, the one I am currently referring to as the miracle drug in other posts, should have a lot more impact in a positive way, in a few weeks time. Hopefully.
However, can it be seen that all this taking medication is not only a reliance on medication, but a slow slide into becoming addicted, physically and mentally? If you have to take a medication, and are not allowed to stop it abruptly due to the side effects, then are you not already addicted anyway?
Medical definition of addiction:
Compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;
broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be physically, psychologically, or socially harmful—compare habituation
Medical definition of habituation:
1. The act or process of making habitual or accustomed
2a. Tolerance to the effects of a drug acquired through continued use
2b. Psychological dependence on a drug after a period of use—compare addiction
3. A form of nonassociative learning characterized by a decrease in responsiveness upon repeated exposure to a stimulus
Thank you Merriam-Webster, it appears I had the wrong word. I am not becoming addicted, that only relates to harmful drugs (hmmm, that is subjective). I am becoming habituated, as definitions 1 and 2b above explain.
Right now I am 41, will I have to keep this up forever? Probably yes. When I was last at the rheumatologist, he said that I would be visiting him for ever. Thats like 30 to 40 years or more. That’s ominous. And, that’s a lot of money.
I guess I can’t think about whether I like this new reliance or habituation of medication or not.
It just is. Move on.